In Sept 2016 I almost died in a car crash.

In a nutshell: Big bada boom, passed out, airlifted, crisis surgery, unconscious in the ICU for 5-ish weeks, and nearly died a number of times in multiple ways. Plus: amnesia, using a catheter and bedpan (yuck, and why do they even call it that?), learning to walk and think again, interesting surprise conversations with God…

It’s a pretty cool story I’m happy to share sometime.

But here’s the thing about almost dying that most anyone who’s been there can tell you: It tends to kinda change things in a person’s life.

I mean, besides the obvious trauma and recovery process.

Viewpoints move, priorities shift, values emerge, life plans get reexamined, then tweaked or even overhauled…

Today begins a personal journey of sharing some of my biggest, most important takeaways from this turning point in my story. Some potent lessons I’m learning anew, and also some that I’m now seeing more vividly (and convincingly) than ever before.

FYI I  have no specific end-game in mind here—just to be a good steward of these weighty things. This means not only learning and being reshaped by them, but also seeing (and stepping into) opportunities to openly share them with others. Anyone who’s story might also be impacted by them in some way.

So, understand this: I have no idea who you are or how you got here. But if you’re reading this, then it might just be a “sacred intersection” for you. Maybe it’s meaningful for you to take a moment to digest and ponder these things a little right now in your own life.

Or, maybe not. Maybe you just randomly ran across this and you’re just curious what kind of fun and possible shenanigans old JP is up to now.

Either way, I’m super glad you’re here. 🙂

So:

What does this even mean?

Well, something interesting I’ve noticed lately in life: It’s sad and somewhat scary how much of my time I’m basically in “cruise control”, and how inattentive I can be to being really present to the moments that I’m in most days.

Some examples might look like:

• “Extra time”—like sitting on the couch, halfway listening to my daughter telling me about some nuance of her day, while simultaneously piddling on my smart phone with some emails, just so I can “feel caught up”.
• Wasted car trips—I literally have my girls captive in the car with me for however long we’re driving. Yet, while the family’s busily talking about whatever they talk about, I might default to a favorite podcast of mine so I can fill my ear holes with genius ideas that’ll help me spend more leisurely time with my family in the days ahead. (Irony, much?)
• Licking wounds—I can sometimes find myself internally marinating in the raw emotions surrounding some injustice suffered or inequity I see in my world.
• Past worries—being bothered by past mistakes I’ve made. Wondering how I could have done that, what if I do it again, and anxious thoughts of what people even thought about it.
• Future worries—quietly imagining “what ifs” and steeping in worst case scenarios that might be ahead. Keeping my internal anxious-ometer at a low-grade fever level—not enough to put me in bed, but just enough to keep me from really enjoying or focusing well on whatever I’m doing.
• Smart things—how many priceless memories have you experienced only through the screen of a phone instead of drinking it in firsthand with your eyes? Take a step back at any birthday party or amusement park, and notice how many parents are only viewing these precious milestones through a screen or viewfinder of some sort.

It was early 2016 when I first started noticing and paying attention to this unfortunate tendency in my life.

I remember reflecting on my half-life on this planet (I’m probably around the halfway mark, but who knows?) and being struck that, yes, I’m super grateful to have enjoyed more than a few great moments, especially with the people I love closest to me…

But also, being completely honest about the troubling trends above, I had to confess to an unknown number of unseen moments, big and small, that I’d let slip by me entirely.

If I let them, my default thought patterns can just “cruise control” me right past so many of the life-giving moments right in front of me, without me being aware enough to even see them.

Opportunities to…

• Really notice my daughter, who’s actually sharing with me things that she finds fun, interesting and worth talking about (even the silly things) and the rare opportunity I have to push my laptop away, make eye contact with her, and let her feel seen, heard and really enjoyed by her daddy. (I wonder how many of these small moments it’ll take to create a lasting impression she’ll carry for her lifetime?)
• To see (and seize) the limited chances we have in the car to enjoy undistracted conversations together. To come up with fun “car talk” topics we all enjoy, games we like playing or even common music, audio books or podcasts that we all enjoy listening to as a shared activity in the car together.

I also noticed how easily I let negative thought patterns (worry, fear, etc.) steal my joy and keep me from really being present.

In worrying about the past, obsessing about the future, or giving mindshare to past wounds, I’m letting these things rob me of noticing or extracting every good thing contained in the moments I’m in right now.

Every moment in life is pregnant with opportunity.

It’s totally on you to be:

1. Mindful enough to see it, and
2. Present enough to seize it.

Lie: I’m pretty good at multitasking. I can totally juggle a couple of balls at least.

Truth: You can’t think about two things at once and give either one your best—they both end up under-served.

Proof: Watch this…  (2-mins)

In Reality: You only have so much “mental bandwidth” at any given time, and if you give a portion of it to worrying about the past, obsessing about the future, or marinating in your wounds, then you can’t really give your full, best attention to the very moment you’re in, can you?

And if we’re so worried about capturing life’s precious moments in pictures or videos that we only see it through a screen, are we really even experiencing them at all? Are these captured memories somehow worth more than the actual events themselves?

To come full circle, my understanding of these things went to a whole, new level in late 2016 after my scary-close near death in that car crash. I was suddenly faced with a clear reality:

In truth, there is only now.

“You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think.” – Marcus Aurelius

Yes, it’s cliche’ to say, “You’re never promised tomorrow.”  It’s also TRUER than you know.

Ultimately, it’s about the moments you’re given, and being a good steward of them.

Capture memories, but not at the expense of living them.

Learn from the past, plan for the future, but truly live in the present.

The bottom line…

And a few dots I really hope to solidly connect for you right now.

Re: the past…

“We are products of our past, but we don’t have to be prisoners of it.” ―Rick Warren

It’s in the past. Learn from it, yes, but don’t let it hold you hostage from the present. Extract the lessons worth learning, become better from them, then break off the rear view mirrors.

Re: the future…

We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps. —Prov 16:9

Plan plans, but don’t obsess over them. You can’t really control your future circumstances anyway. But you can totally control whether or not you let worrying about them rob you of truly enjoying these moments you’re living in right now.

Try your best to “trust the process”, and embrace the unknown twists and turns ahead as exciting parts of this adventure you didn’t know were written into the story!

Re: those wounds and injustices…

“Those things that hurt, instruct.” ―Benjamin Franklin.

You can’t control what happens to you. But you can always control the meaning you give to these things, how you respond to them, and what kind of power they have over you here and now.

Realize this: Every second you give to marinating in these things and letting them steal the present from you is being willingly surrendered. You can stop this by first recognizing it, then choosing to flip these misfortunes into good fortune… obstacles into opportunities.

The wounds and injustices in our lives can tear us down, or they make us into even better versions of ourselves. Yes, you can reframe these things into life-giving pieces of your story. But you have to choose to do this.

Extra Credit:
Read The Obstacle is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials Into Triumph

Re: those car trips and other “extra time” in life…

“Some things in life are like ice cream: They’re only good for a while and then they melt. The trick is enjoying it and making the most of it while it’s still ice cream.” ― Anonymous

Turn off the radio. Unplug your ear buds. Put down your phone. Push back your laptop. Just whatever it takes. Be mindful of the real life going on around you.

Stop your mental gears from spinning, and really listen actively to the people around you who still think you’re worth talking to.

Focus, be present, and enjoy this micro-segment of the journey. It’ll be done before you know it.

Be here now.

It’s about the moments. Seize them all, if you can.

There is only now.

Would love to hear your thoughts if any of this resonates. Comments warmly welcomed.

—Memento Mori, Memento Aeternum